Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
