note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
