I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
