Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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