It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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