90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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