my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My liver just had a heart attack.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
