Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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