Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
