break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The Olympian is in my bed
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
