So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
