So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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