based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
