alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
