you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
