"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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