turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
