I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
