Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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