i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
