The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
