260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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