I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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