I wannas sexs uuuuu
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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