Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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