i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
