I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
