This girl is more easily done than said...
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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