and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
