oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
