Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
