make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
