did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
