Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
