so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
