I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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