Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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