Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
