someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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