my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
where are you?
Hypothermia
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
