It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
