i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
