I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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