it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
