that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
