I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
