East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
