I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
