Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
