I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
